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Hard-Boiled Eggs Hate Me


I consider myself a decent cook. I’m no Ranting Amateur Chef or Nade in the Kitchen*, but I know my way around the kitchen and am at least familiar with most of the terminology used even if it might take me a few moments to figure out what I’m supposed to do.

Chopping, dicing, slicing. Yep, understood.

Mincing. I know why it should be used and when but seldom mess with it because it takes too long. I watch cooking shows where the chef blazes through chopping, dicing, mincing, grating, and so on and when it comes to mincing . . . I wince. I picture Monty-Pythonesque scenes of hacking my fingers off and blood squirting across the kitchen.

Then there are those things considered most basic that just seem to elude me. Not boiling water. Not hard boiling the eggs in the first place.

But how do you peel a hard-boiled egg?

Without having to pick tiny slivers of shell from the egg? While peeling away half of the outer layer of white? Or removing splintered egg shell from beneath your fingernails?

My kids—my son, especially—love hard-boiled eggs. My wife does, too. But she has this tendency to start the eggs boiling right before she heads off to work, leaving me to the honors. She can rap the cooked egg a couple of times on the counter and the shell comes off in two or maybe three large sections. Easy-peasy.

I do that, and I’m left with a mess.

The shell fractures, splintering into hundred of tiny little slivers that have nothing better to do than insert themselves beneath my fingernails and run as deeply as they can. My fingers burn from just handling the eggs.

Who needs to play “Hot Potato” when you can pass the just-cooked hard-boiled egg?

I’ve tried running the eggs under cold water while removing the shell . . . and promptly dropped the egg in the sink. I tried working over a clean plate in the sink while peeling the egg, and it slipped from my grasp, hit the plate, and bounced into the other sink and down the garbage chute.

I love potato salad and have my mom’s recipe, which try to make at least once a year. But I always have to time it on a weekend when my wife is off work and I know she’ll be around to help with the eggs. Hard-boiling and peeling a half dozen or so eggs just makes me cringe.

My wife tells me to have our daughter peel the eggs. She knows what to do as she’s watched and helped her mom several times. But those eggs are “beeping hot” as my son would say, and my daughter doesn’t like heat. So what’s a dad to do?

Stick with fried or scrambled eggs is what I say.

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* Both of these bloggers deal up some eye-catching cuisine, but my computer hates both sites. It chokes and dies on all the images, gorgeous though they are (as explained in Dino-Computer Smash).  If you like food, check them out.

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